I think the dark may be lifting a little. I talked with some people who are going through a similar experience. It helps to know that someone understands what I'm going through. I often thought that Jesus understands and can sympathize. I can't seem to bond or connect with that and that perplexes me. Why then is He not being more responsive? I pray that I can connect in a more meaningful way. But for now God seems distant and silent. That more than anything scares me.

I've prayed night after night to die. The pain and anguish is unbearable. I thought that the Lord would be near the brokenhearted. If He's near I don't feel it. I am really losing my grip on reality and my mind is slipping. I can't seem to get this thing turned around. God doesn't seem to be in a hurry to turn it around. This darkness has encompassed me all about. If there is an end in sight I can't see it form here. Prayer seems like an one way street. I feel like I'm talking to someone who is on the other side of a real thick vale.

It seems like I've been lead into the wilderness by God. At least I'm like Moses -on the backside of the desert or King Davd in the valley of the shadow of death and all those places that the bible describes. I quit my job of 19 years and left the safety and security of a job to buy my own business. I truly know God had lead me into it. It had many confirmations, godly counsel, open doors and a good reason to do it. Anyway for whatever reason it failed in 5 months. I used my 401k to finance it and I've lost most of it. I have enough money to keep a float for a couple of more months. The job outlook doesn't look good for me (at least form man's view.) I'm mid 50's and no college and not a strong background.