I guess the problem is that as darkness surrounds us we keep making excuses why God can't answer prayer or hear us (or communicate with us.) The more tragedy and suffering we see we kind of want to tend to spin it away from God. But, He is in control and the buck stops there-with Him. I will never give up until I confront that God, any other god is idolatry. So after Him I go.

Over the weekend I spent 15 hours and 16 hours consecutively in prayer and sleep. I would pray until I fell asleep. I begged God to communicate with me, I'm so disparate. I know He's there, but He's not talking. I am hanging on by a thread. I am losing hope. I just don't know what is happening. There is an answer I know but when? Job heard in the wind, Balaam heard from his donkey, and I am asking for much less.

If I can get to this place all will be right. But, that is the problem. I need to get to this place, But how?

Phi 4:11 And I am not saying this because I feel neglected, for I have learned to be satisfied with what I have.
Phi 4:12 I know what it is to be in need and what it is to have more than enough. I have learned this secret, so that anywhere, at any time, I am content, whether I am full or hungry, whether I have too much or too little.
Phi 4:13 I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me.

I just don't know how to communicate with God. My church did a 4 week series on prayer and I'm as in the dark as I was before. I read several books and went to consolers and sought advice. I read the bible daily and pray hours. I still feel unconnected somehow. There's no unconfessed sin or anything like that. Other than the normal struggles with sin. I don't feel the presence of God. I can't give up. There is no other way. I read a few books on this, none seemed to help. I don't know if there is an answer. I have to keep looking tough. Like the disciples: John 6:68- Then Simon Peter answered Him, Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the Words of eternal life.

I learned a lot from a guy sitting outside of Starbucks. He has been observing my odyssey in the darkness about once a week for 10 months. The other day he said something that really stuck. He said, "The teacher doesn't talk during the test." I am fairly sure that was God speaking through him to me.