Its been sometime in the wilderness. But my unresolved dilemma is this. I know for sure that God lead me in my decision to buy a business. Then it failed. I can't resolve that God leads us into failure. I would think He would let us fail if we sinned or were immoral. But it goes deeper than a matter of trust. It cuts to the heart of the problem. How can I honestly tell someone its possible to discern Gods will and then say it may be a risk of failure. That doesn't sound like much more than chance. My agnostic friend sees no conflict because he thinks a is chaos anyway.

I guess this journey of mine has been so long an arduous that I lost some of my perspective. I still am not satisfied with my connection with God. I know there's more than what I have had. But, that being said I see that over the other side there is hope. I don' know why God stays so distant, I don't understand the work of the Holy Spirit, and I still long for that cognoscente connection with God. I have to press through. Because this is the on certainty. John 6:68 Simon Peter answered him, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, Though life and circumstances have brought me to the desert wildness I stumble on parched and dry, like Clint Eastwood in "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.

The hatred filled teenager who shot up the people at the Omaha mall did leave a note. In it he expresses love for the people he knew. But also he went gunning for those as he said "piece's of sh*t." Yeah that's right kill those consumers who stalk the malls buying stuff that pollutes the planet. Kill off those parasite humans that cause polar bears to fall off melting icebergs into the ever warming sea. Kill unborn HUMAN parasites by the 10's of thousands before they too can harm mother earth. Well. that's what the tree hugger's and the green wacko's are advocating. They will rid the planet of the problem "human pieces of sh*t,"(especially American's.) Then, maybe the only ones left will be college professors trying to get a few more grant dollars by perpetuating the myth that God can't take care of His planet. I lay this tragedy at the feet of Al Gore. I hope he has his noble prize with him when he answers to God for his lies.

So much controversy in the Christian community about the work of the Holy Spirit. I just have been thinking and studying about that this in the Bible. All I know is that the Holy Spirit is our contact point with God. Jesus even said that it was good that he would go away so the comforter will come. John 16:7 But I tell you the truth, it is advantageous for you that I should go; for if I do not go away, the Comforter will not come to you. But if I go, I will send Him to you.
This means to me that having the Holy Spirit dwelling in me is better than having physical Jesus to see and talk to!! I know that's God's contact point. I've read a lot on this and heard the charismatic side. Went to Assembly of God church for a couple of years. The church I'm in now almost never mentions the Holy Spirit. I just wander through this wilderness to get in touch with God.

I know this journey will soon come to an end. I want the Lord to say to me "well done good and faithful servant." I just have struggled so much I can't believe that's what he would say. I want to do more than just hang on. I want His power. Only He can give that. I just seem unable to connect to Him. The wilderness continues.
P.S. My mom is near death, don't know how much longer.