I know the world thinks of God as the wizard of Oz a powerless fraud.

Mat 27:51a And behold, the curtain of the temple was torn in two, from top to bottom.

I know that the separation between my God and me has been removed because of the finished work of Jesus. I want so much to walk into that Holy place and meet with the Lord just like the priests did. I want to understand the dynamic of the Holy Spirit.

In the lonely dark night of my soul that I'm now traversing, I still have these hopes.

I know that I once saw a lighthouse on the shore and I followed it. I shipwrecked on the rocks and now I'm holding on to the last floating pieces of that sunken boat and wondering - why?

Am I stuck in Oz, headed back to Kansas, or heaven??

For years I had a perpetual calendar, a men's devotional calendar - a verse a day kind.
Well, as you might guess on Sept 11. I paid particular attention to the verse of the day and was I surprised. It was Zephaniah 1:14-18.

14 Near is the great day of the LORD, Near and coming very quickly; Listen, the day of the LORD! In it the warrior cries out bitterly.
15 A day of wrath is that day, A day of trouble and distress, A day of destruction and desolation, A day of darkness and gloom, A day of clouds and thick darkness,
16 A day of trumpet and battle cry Against the fortified cities And the high corner towers.
17 I will bring distress on men So that they will walk like the blind, Because they have sinned against the LORD; And their blood will be poured out like dust And their flesh like dung.
18 Neither their silver nor their gold Will be able to deliver them On the day of the LORD’S wrath; And all the earth will be devoured In the fire of His jealousy, For He will make a complete end, Indeed a terrifying one, Of all the inhabitants of the earth.

WOW!! I chalked it up to coincidence until I became convinced that was from God. Here are the facts let them speak for themselves. This calendar was copy-righted in 1993. The calender is not just filled with Old Testament prophecies that happened to hit one right now and then. Its mostly random verses such as verses on being kind, happiness, teaching men how to be better fathers, husbands etc. However I pay particular close attention to that passage in Zephaniah it does say fortified cities-or could be translated "gated cities" (that's what the Pentagon is referred to) and high towers (plural.) Since not all translations read the same check the original Hebrew in Strong's concordance pertaining these verses.
What are the odds that Zondervan could have placed that verse on that day in 1993 when this was published? Is it just coincidence? If so what are the odd's?

Now you know part of why I really want to hear from God and know His voice.

I keep asking for a connection with God. All I get is silence and no cognoscente awareness of God. Should I be looking for that? I don't know, my circumstances are not getting any better. No answers anywhere. What should I be looking for? Where is God? Can He be reached? I am looking for some answers at a much deeper level.

I was so disillusioned because I lost so much in following what I felt was God's will for my life. I now am crawling along trying to peace it all together. Every day is a fight to find the reality of God in my life. I can't seem to connect with God. I pray in Jesus' name and I ask for the Holy Spirit to reveal God to me. I desire some sense some awareness than more than a dry intellectual ascent to doctrine. I need more. I need to something more. It's just nagging at me.